YES! The Lake House It Is!

   Although I lost faith along the way, God knew in my heart that I trusted him.  And boy did he come through!  I am so Thankful To my Lord and Savior for finding us, and guiding us to this House on The Lake that we will easily be able to call home.


     Our Landlord is a great woman, lots of fun, and down to earth.  To top it off, she has Fibro too, so we understand each other very well.  We spent the weekend helping her prime and paint the whole house.  It gave us a chance to really get to know each other, and is helping us move in quicker! I smile from ear to ear as I walk through the house.  Maryanne mentioned in passing that this is a healing house; how profound.

     All of the kids and grandkids have had a chance to come and see our new home, and they all approve...lol  Here are some pics #1 took for us...check out her other great photos at AngieMariePhotography2011.blogspot.com

Steps down to the lake - deck half way down

Backyard

Steps from back yard to deck /lake steps

Papa taking kids onto frozen ice

They were so excited to experience this

    So many new adventures await us at our new home.  Living on a lake is a whole new way of life.  What an amazing adventure and time of healing await us!


     Still packing and will start to move tonight - our goal is to be sleeping there by Saturday.

Selling, Renting, Packing, Moving - Chaos

Obviously this whole ordeal, along with the holidays, Fibro, and family life, have kept me from blogging.

Why?

Reality hits - Fibromyalgia severely impacted my ability to work; listening to my body, to avoid the cycle of push, crash, burn, meant I called out sick and had to limit my hours.  Two years ago, I left my job.  To keep this "short story" short, aside from many other details, we have to sell our house - Our Pink House :(  Boooooo, and Rent a house till we get back on track.

      Of course, that just means another adventure which my ADD has a love / hate relationship with - love adventure and change, but it also leaves me a bit apprehensive.

House showings - clean house - start to pack - holidays - pack some more - no more auctions ( boooo  :( ) / buying because we don't want to have to pack and move extra stuff.  I have PLENTY of my Stuff to pack.

      So now the search for a new home that fits our multi-generational, large family, has become a bit of a challenge.  We are limited with $$$ to pay for rent, need 5 BRs, a place to keep our business going (and growing!), preferably with some land so we can have some peace and seclusion.  Am I in Dream World?  Yeah, I think so.  Oh Did I Mention We Have 3 Dogs???


        In one of my blogs, I said I'd keep you posted as we went on this journey, and until now, I was reluctant to share, as this "reality" is a tough one to share.  It's a bit disappointing, depressing, and challenging.        

        As a family, we are all trying to adjust to what is happening.  We LOVE our Pink House; as #5 said "This is the first house I felt "At Home"".  

So, these are the houses we've checked out.  One house that sits on 9 acres has been for sale for a while, but they will not rent; another house on the lake is very tempting, but we'd be a little cramped and that can create tension amongst my clan; another one that fits Everything our family needs, but it's a bit farther away.  WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO, WACK A DO, WACK A DO.

Yes, I am going insane.  Wish Us Luck!

Ahhh Finally I'm able to get you a sneak peak of the treasures we got at the Wintergarden Auction http://wintergardenauction.com/ Saturday!  Between the Fibro and a large, busy family, it's a bit challenging to blog and run a small business. But me and Beckie are working out the kinks....without further adou ....

A view of the few items left near the end of the auction.
I forgot to take pictures earlier in the auction.

"Some" of our stash; but you'll have to wait to see the wrought iron chandeliers,
the 1920's Acme Doll and other goodies.

  I like to sit in the back of the auction so I can see who is bidding on what.  I took careful notes of what we wanted to get and the highest I wanted to bid.  Chuck raised the paddle for me because his reflexes are in better shape than mine. 

      The funniest part was we had a signal - I would "jab" him if I wanted him to go higher on something.  The auctioneer held up three vintage black dolls, pictured above, and he kept saying black dolls, and no one wants the black dolls; Chuck says "That's bad" or something like that so I "Jabbed" him, and we won the bid!  Actually the baby in the leopard pj's is adorable (a Dee Bee Doll from 1929) and who dosn't remember Flip Wilson and Geraldine! Don't worry ... he raised the paddle on a few things HE wanted, even when I said no...all good fun!

Coming very soon are the Ebay and Etsy Postings.  Stay tuned....

5:30 AM Walk In A New England Snowstorm

What was I thinking?

I'll tell you what I was thinking...

     I DO NOT want to drive in this.  Yes, #5 has an orthodontist appointment, and I have to pay a bill downtown, but Really.....I seriously cannot drive in this anymore, it totally messes with the Fibro.  

     So Shrek says "Do you want me to drop you off and you can walk home?"  (It wasn't that far) I don't think he expected me to say yes.  I was still in my pajamas, and honestly, I was thinking about those women over the years who were oddly walking at an ungodly hour, in their PJ's (like me - turquoise blue with snowflakes and workboots) and went missing.  Yes, I have a wild imagination, and watch way too much CSI, NCIS, Criminal Minds, etc.  Are you surprised?

But sure enough, aside from the traffic, it was Quiet and Still.

The Low Hanging Branches of
The Snow Laden Trees

Beautiful 1800's New England House
In The Still Of The Morn

From My Driveway Looking Out

Call Me Crazy …. But …

And believe me, I can't believe I'm saying this, but it is nice to see some real New England Winter weather today. Even though the impending Snow Storm wreaked havoc on my Fibromyalgia symptoms yesterday, I'm enjoying this wintery day.

This morning I thought Shrek had an appointment today, but he said no, it's Friday. With the winter weather getting worse later in the day, I told him I was not going to have the truck today because I was not going to drive in this weather, no matter what. I cannot handle the focus I need to have on the road, other drivers, it completely exhausts me (thanks Fibro!), AND I wanted to sleep in this morning. Guess What???

It Was “I” Who Had a Dr. Appointment....

Thank goodness Mr. M's office is within walking distance, and I was actually looking forward to the walk. It is a great time for me to be “Mindful” of what I experience on the walk, and I'd be leaving and getting home before the storm was supposed to get here. Leaving in plenty of time, I started on my journey, enjoying the chirps of the birds, paying attention to how individual cars' engines sound differently, noticing bushes with bare branches, and the trees with gnarled branches. Not to mention the Architecture on some of these old houses! (That's another blog, when I can take Shrek with me to take pictures of what I saw.)

If you look close, you can see a grapevine wreath, and a curtain
valance at the top

Check out this Re purposed Window Frame.  Not the greatest picture, but it is adorable.

One of the unique things about New England weather is how quickly it can change, and change it did. I was almost there when I noticed the first flurries tumble down. Light, tiny, whispy flakes. I smiled.......go ahead, call me crazy!

As much as the weather changes bother my Fibromyalgia, and I get chilled to the bone so easily, I missed the “quiet” the snow brings. An hour later, the flakes were tumbling more quickly. I bundled up with my extra wide, extra long scarf and began the walk home. A whole new landscape for me to see, and I smiled.

Call Me Crazy!

Welcome to FibroFog

This morning, I was talking to my Bestie "Queen Colleen" (my granddaugter when she said Aunt Colleen, it sounded like Queen Colleen, and it stuck...it is also quite befitting) while I was trying to help my granddaughter get ready for school.  "go brush your hair, pancakes or chocolate chip waffles (frozen), all while the Queen was on speaker, AND I was the one trying to talk to her.  Wasn't working out too good.  My mind was so confused, I couldn't get out what I wanted to say, couldn't get the pancakes in the toaster.  I was DAZED and CONFUSED.  Thank goodness I can laugh about it now, but in the beginning days of my Fibromyalgia, I didn't laugh too often at this stuff.  Of course my bestie said "Annie, you can call me back...we don't have to talk right now, as she laughed".  She could definitely tell I was in a "STATE" of "MIND".

Anyway, grandaughter walked to school in the nice cool (cold) fresh New England Air and a trip to the basement to unearth some of the things I have left over from my flea market booth so I can sell on ebay.  That meant three flights of stairs to  get to my haven.  My brain litterally feels fuzzy and spongy and my hands and legs are shaky.

Can Anyone Relate?

So it's bed, heating pad on the feet, laptop on the lap, and switching between Auction Hunters and AMC Movie Desperate Measures.

I'll shut up in a minute.  I tend to digress (thanks to my ADD) and I love to think and get things off my mind, so...here's my last bit:  One of My Pet Peaves

When friends and acquaintances, who don't really "GET" Fibromyalgia, say, "I wish I could stay in bed and watch TV all day."

Not sure about my other Spoonies, but seriously, 'NO YOU DON'T.  Not when you don't have a choice of whether you do it or not.

Can The Sounds We Hear Bring Us To A Slower Pace?

How many of you have a hard time finding the time to meditate throughout your day? I know I do, even though I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it makes me feel so much better. Even before I had Fibromyalgia, I meditated to bring my stress level back down to a “0” on the “StressoMeter”.  

I'm not sure how other “Spoonies” feel, but because it takes me forever to finish a task, no matter how simple it may be, and because I have to stop and rest, not only my body, but my mind, it takes up those precious “spoons” of time and energy. So, I Do Not want to give up my precious time, and I try to stretch it whenever possible, even though I know that the mediation would help.

While discussing this with the “infamous Mr. M”, he suggested that some time in the morning I stop and mediate for ten minutes. I could choose any type of meditation, mind picture, prayer, body scan, sound. Since we had experimented with the Sound Meditation at our last session, and I really liked how it gave me a mindful state of mind, that is what I chose. He suggested I do it the same time, to develop the habit. Now, in my mind, my Type A personality immediately went to “ok, I'll do sound meditation every day at 9:30”. No sooner did I say that in my mind, than he says “ start with two or three days a week”. Humpff, ok. So I chose Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Last week was a blowout (or is that bust?? FibroMind). I would remember when I was doing my afternoon prayer meditation/nap, or when I was going to bed, OR it wasn't on a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday...I remembered this week, and wrote it in my planner.

Of course, being Type A, I decided to do my morning Sound Meditation after I walked my granddaughter to school, and continued on to the Post Office to mail a package (multi-tasking? - mindful?...you decide...). Although we live on the fringe of a Quaint New England Town, there is a lot of traffic, especially on a Monday morning. The first thoughts that went through my mind as I began to focus on the sounds around me was “how can meditating on sound while you're around traffic be mindful?” As I got away from the traffic, I began to hear the birds. There were some birds chirping on the left of me, and it sounded like another bird on the right of me chirped back; there were some other birds, I think finches, just a jabbering away. It almost sounded as if they were all scurrying to get on with their day, chirping to each other in a rushed way, kinda like the sounds I hear while my kids are getting ready for school, and we're all bustling around the house. There was also the clanging of the pully on the flag pole. I was really hoping for some different sounds that were barely noticeable, unless you were meditating on sound, but I guess it was just too busy around me.

On the way back, I continued to meditate on the sounds around me. The same birds, flagpoles, and traffic. I breathed in the crisp, fresh air and realized I was walking slower, felt a peace throughout my body, and a relaxed state of mind and body. Approaching the busy intersection, the noise of the traffic became a little louder, so I used a tactic I use with my kids when they say they don't like a person, a place, a thing, whatever. “Choose to find something good, even just one thing, in that person, place, or thing. As a truck pulled up to the stop light, I listened to the sounds the truck made. The rumble of the engine as it slowed down, the sound of the tires on the sandy road as they came to a slow stop, and that noise a large diesel truck makes when it stops, as if it is letting out a few sighs. When the light turned green and the truck began to move, there were the sounds of the engine revving up, the shifting of the gears, the power of the diesel engine as it seemed to take in deep breaths to move the truck forward, and the gears, I could hear the clicking of the gears as the driver shifted. I smiled. Listening, really listening to the sounds of the “noisy truck” put me in touch with that moment in time. Isn't that what mindful living is about? Living in the moment of time.  

FINALLY BACK IN THE EBAY GAME!

     A long, long time ago (when I can still remember...) when I was about 18 my love of vintage things came back to the surface. A woman I babysat for had old, colored bottles that glistened beautiful colors as they sat on the window sills in her farm house. (This was the original farm house, The Jones Farm, that our 7 acres were on) She would walk the stone wall to find the “dumping place” and there she would find these bottles. How exciting – treasure hunting for things from the past. So I found books on collecting old bottles learned a lot, started going to the local flea market, and mentioned to my mom how I'd like to sell antiques. She told me that there are people that have done that for years, and their families have been selling for years, so they have much more experience and knowledge than I do. I love my mom dearly, but my parents were definitely the realistic type. So I went to community college and became a secretary.

     Being a secretary did serve me well. I had a lot of great jobs, and built half a career in credit and collections for a large company until I became a stay at home mom when #3 arrived. I digress a lot...oooppss....anyways

     Somewhere along the line I got the bug to run a small business. Tried MLM's, direct sales, etc. and somehow I decided to sell vintage and collectible items on ebay and the flea market that just opened up in town. This led to doing a few house clean outs and going to auctions to find “stuff” to sell. That was it! I Had The Bug! I fell in love with being able to buy something at auction, or obtain it doing a house clean out and then selling it at a profit. I got to buy old “stuff”, admire it, hold it, wonder who it came from, and then make some money when I sold it. Could it get any better than that?

     We had an eclectic array of vintage items which our customers loved and each week they looked forward to seeing what new items we would bring in. Some things just had to be sold on ebay to get a better price. Along the way we met other seller's; some who were nice and taught me so much, others who were more leery in sharing their knowledge. I could spend hours going through books and researching items on line, without tiring from it (except my eyes!) Getting up each morning and being excited to get to work on my stuff was a great feeling. After three years, I found the balance of what to buy to sell, what expenses weren't needed, what Items to sell at the flea market, and which ones to sell on ebay; I had just broke even. At that time, “realistically”, I had to go back to work. Booooo!

     I never lost the yearning to go back, but with 5 kiddos, 2 grandkiddos (a husband) and working, it just wouldn't work. Now that I'm home with the Fibro, and missing my job, I'm just getting back into it. This is something that I absolutely LOVE and can do at my own pace. Even when the FM is kicking my butt, the fact that I love my “stuff”, I can push a bit to work on it, can do it at my own pace without letting anyone down, and it gives me great enjoyment and a feeling of accomplishment. Important things to a spoonie.

I Collect Mary's - She's a little chipped, but I love her colors

Blue Hamper to re-purpose

Pink Can to re-purpose

     So, back in October Shrek and I went to an estate sale. Found soooo much fun stuff! Some things for re-purposing like the vintage blue hamper, and this pink can that I have no idea what it was used for and a whole lota vintage Catholic medals, scapulars, funeral cards, statues and pictures. I Love going through the stuff. I don't usually find a strong desire to keep things; it's relatively easy for me to sell the items that I love. It took me till mid January to start writing the descriptions, and last week to take the pictures, and finally posted them on ebay last Sunday. It helps brighten my day to watch how things are going, and until I sell this stuff, I can't go to any estate sales, so even more incentive to get things rolling! Check out my “stuff” at http://www.ebay.com/sch/carms47/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=25&_trksid=p3692 . Ebay ID Carms47

Great Vintage Fabric~

My 50th Birthday Present ~ From #1 and her Future Husband

      #1 is 25 years old, and is an amazingly beautiful young lady, and also very thoughtful. Apparently her and #2 (who is 23) wanted to throw me a surprise 50^th Birthday Party, but I ruined it when I decided to scroll through my husband's text messages and saw the text about this “surprise party”. I don't care how old I am, I am not the type to like big to-do's about me. I like to spend my birthday's and special days with my family – quietly, with everyone getting along, dancing to old jazz and blues music, Frank Sinatra, and just having fun with each others company.

      #1 kept saying “But Mommmmm it's your 50^th Birthday!” and I kept insisting it was okay. None of us are in a position to be doing much of anything. However, in my birthday card was a note that said she and her “to be” were taking me and my hubby to the Iron Horse in Northampton, MA. ( http://www.iheg.com/index.asp) to see “Johnny A.” (http://www.johnnya.com/) who's like a jazzy, blues kinda guitar player. It was so thoughtful of her. She wanted to find something both hubby and I could enjoy, and she succeeded!

      I could never have imagined it would be so much fun on so many different levels. Having ADHD helps with that! Or should I say ADOS (Attention Deficit Ohhhhh Shiny). Part of my personality gets nervous going new places. It always has, but I've learned to push through that part, but it's always there, laying in waiting. I made sure I rested well during the day so I had enough energy to get through the evening. As I started getting ready, I realized how much fun it is to get gussied up. I don't do that much any more (which is fine, I like the artsy, low key look now), but I realized it is fun to do once in a while. I carefully primped my hair, put on make up, a nice pair of jeans with a blouse, high heeled boots, and of course, my “hooker earrings”. Back in the day, I loved to wear long, jingly earrings, and one of my bosses (before sexual harassment policies) would say “Oh Anne, I see you're wearing your hooker earrings today”. I cracked up every time, no offense was taken, and now when I wear those long, dangely earrings I fondly think of Brian.

      As you can imagine with 5 kids and two grand kids, things rarely go smoothly, and tonight was no exception. After a few complaints on us not being available for car rides, helping people find things, we finally got to #1's home. She was all gussied up too, and looked incredible. Our #5 was babysitting grandson (1A), shall we call him?? And then we were off.

      Northampton, Massachusetts, is a very artistic town, with artists, musicians, an eclectic mix of restaurants and cafe's. The main street is filled with traffic and pedestrians; a very lively town, to say the least. Of course parking was an issue, but we found a spot just off of Main Street, and walking, along with the rest of the town felt good. It was a little chilly, but I felt so alive! Down another little side street, and there we were outside the Iron Horse. Poster's covered the window, the entry where you turn in your tickets was small, but then the whole place opened up, if you could call it that....it was wall to wall tables, booths along the walls, and a stair case heading up, led you to the balcony area which was also filled with tables and booths. The place was packed! And loud with everyone speaking, the waitresses seemed to float through the maze of tables and people as they balanced trays of drinks and food.

      Of course, one of the first things I start to do is check out the architecture in the building. Tin Ceilings, old wood beams and pipes showing, wood floors with a lot of character in them, if you know what I mean. None of the tables and chairs matched. Then my second favorite thing to do – people watch. There was the woman wearing a turquoise outfit who danced as she walked down to the bathroom, obviously having a great time and feeling the music; there was the man wearing a black leather cowboy type hat. Each person was unique to themselves, and yet, there was an energy of unity.

     While my husband and son in-law to be were tapping their fingers on the table and their legs to the music, I was busy noticing so many little details, like how fast Johnny's fingers moved on the guitar, and the bass player, holy mackerel, his fingers were so long, and the drummer was in a world of his own, totally engrossed in his drumming, yet they all connected as they played. It really is amazing to see talent like that. The whole experience brought me back to my 20's. The music was LOUD. It was a combination of jazz, blues, and rock, and it just took you away to a peaceful, free space in time. As we were saying good bye to #1 outside, the drummer asked us to keep an eye on his van as he went in and out loading equipment, people talked about the show and what they were doing afterwards (I was going home to BED), and when he was done, he talked with us, for a while; it was so cool. I haven't felt like this in a long time; I think I/we need to get out more often! Of course my legs were tingling, my limbs were limp, and I was totally exhausted (thank you fibromyalgia!), but ironically, I felt alive. Unfortunately, I ended up skipping church and Sunday school, my body really needed rest. Was it worth it? Hell Yeah!   AND I picked out where I want to sit the next time we go...Great view for performers and people.

Holiday Crash

Well, those of you with a Chronic Condition know the cycle push and crash.  I certainly pushed, gently, through Thanksgiving, and more for Christmas.  To top it off, for the past three years, this year included, I organized the Oplatek Dinner at our church, St. Joseph's National Catholic Church.  That just pushed me  way over the edge of the cycle.  For the first time ever, I questioned was it worth it.  Thanksgiving and Christmas yes, as I monitored the pushing.  Oplatek was just full steam ahead.

Did I/we have fun?  OH MY GOSH Yes!  But I have never felt so much pain, diiscomfort, and complete body exhaustion.  Here it is Wednesday, and I am just beginning to think I'll tackle some of this bedroom, and maybe, just maybe, get some pictures up here!  What is the Oplatek Dinner?  I'll either write another blog on it or put it as a page?  Haven't played with that yet.  P.S.  On this Oplatek Dinner adventure, I had the help and adventure with two very good friends.  I'll call them Gypsy Queen and Traveling Rose.  You'll hear more of our advenetures in the future.

The Christmas Shoes – Based on a book and song by Robert Layton

Chick Flick ~ Life Lessons
First off, let me tell you that I went to the mylifetime.com website to get some information on who wrote it, directed it, etc. The first thing I read was:

Genre: Romance, Tearjerker

Oh, did I already say Tearjerker? Holy Cow! I wanted to SOL – Sob Out Loud, but I was with my older two daughters, Angie and Beckie, and did not want to sound hysterical. I think Beckie actually shed a few tears on this one. (Love you Beckie!). The Second thing is that there are many recent comments from viewers in outrage that Lifetime is not airing this movie in the next 6 weeks, because it carries a positive message.

Aside from that, it is an incredible movie that delicately twists so many important messages together. I am not going to tell you about the story line, I'm only going to share the messages I got out of watching the movie. And, quite honestly, if you read the “description” on mylifetime.com, it really doesn't give you the real essence of the movie. This is a triple thumbs up! (me, Angie, and Beckie).

• Oh what a tangled web we weave ~ we interact with people on a daily basis and most of us have no idea what role we may play in that persons life. A simple smile can be the best thing that happens to that elderly woman you pass on the sidewalk. I have told my kids, since they were school age, that everyone deserves a smile and a hello, even hold the door for someone. It doesn't matter if the person, or “kid”, is a troublemaker, considered unpopular, doing drugs, or is a bully. You don't have to hang out with them or be friends, but they deserve to get a smile; it could be the best thing that happened to them that day or in their life.
• Paradigm shifts ~ You never know what is going on in the other person's life. The best example of this is a short story I read, I think in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book (and I've taken some artistic license with this, because I cannot remember all the details, but you'll get the gist of it). A father is on a train with his 4 children. The children are running around, making a lot of noise, and the dad is totally oblivious to them, and does not make any attempt to reign them in. A passenger asks the man if they are his children. He says yes, they are; we just left the hospital, their mom just past away. Always remember you don't know what is going on in another person's life.
• A quote from the movie ~ a mother's words of wisdom to her son: “Don't just make money; make memories”. Need I say more? As those of us with fibromyalgia (and other chronic illnesses) know, life is all about Living in the Moment. Please don't just read the words and say “yeah, it is”. Think about it; try it. In the world of Hustle and Bustle, Living in the Moment is harder than we think. Try it, put down that phone, the remote control, the spoon you're stirring dinner with and be fully in the moment when a loved one is talking to you. While you're taking a walk, put away the phone! Breathe the air, don't think about your troubles, look at the beauty that surrounds you and soulfully take it in, the fullness of it all. It is the most wonderful experience when you start Living in Moments, and start making memories.

It has been a long time coming that me and my oldest two children sat together and watched a movie, and the time we spent together will be a memory, for us,  forever. We're talking about watching the sequel to the movie, but we're gonna wait till after the holidays. Merry Christmas Blessings to All!

A Letter to the Healthy World from the Land of of Chronic Pain and Fatigue / Fibromyalgia

I found this on www.fibrowelcomepackage.com, and it described many things I feel, and it helped me start to accept what the Fibromyalgia does to me.  I hope it helps you too!  I even gave a copy to my husband and children to read, and posted it on the refridgerator.  Enjoy! 


If you were born with healthy genes, you may know me but you don't understand me. I was not as lucky as you. I inherited the predisposition to chronic pain, fatigue and forgetfulness. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia (FMS) after months, years or even decades of mysterious physical and emotional problems. Because you didn't know how sick I was, you called me lazy, a malingerer, or simply ridiculous. If you have the time to read on, I would like to help you understand how different I am from you.


WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT FIBROMYALGIA


1. FMS is not the newest fad disease. In fact, it isn't a disease at all, and it isn't even new. In 1815, asurgeon at the University of Edenburgh, William Balfour, described fibromyalgia. Over the years, it has been known as chronic rheumatism, myalgia and fibrositis. Unlike diseases, syndromes do not have a known cause, but they do have a specific set of signs and symptoms which, unfortunately for the patient, take place together. Rheumatoid arthritis and lupus are also syndromes.


2. The many physical and emotional problems associated with FMS are not psychological in origin. This is not an "all in your head" disorder. In 1987, the American Medical Association recognized FMS as a true physical illness and major cause of disability.


3. Syndromes strike life-long athletes as viciously as they do couch potatoes. They can be disabling and depressing, interfering with even the simplest activities of daily life.


WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME


1. My pain - My pain is not your pain. It is not caused by inflammation. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I can not work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulder, but tomorrow it may be in my foot or gone. My pain is believed to be caused by improper signals sent to the brain, possibly due to sleep disorders. It is not well understood, but it is real.


2. My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can't. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can't help you with yard work today, it isn't because I don't want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my muscles beyond their capability.


3. My forgetfulness - Those of us who suffer from it call itt fibrofog. I may not remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age but may be related to sleep deprivation. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don't have any short-term memory at all.


4. My clumsiness - If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time.


5. My sensitivities - I just can't stand it! "It" could be any number of things: bright sunlight, loud or high-pitched noises, odors. FMS has been called the "aggravating everything disorder." So don't make me open the drapes or listen to your child scream. I really can't stand it.


6. My intolerance - I can't stand heat, either. Or humidity. If I am a man, I sweat...profusely. If I am a lady, I perspire. Both are equally embarrassing, so please don't feel compelled to point this shortcoming out to me. I know. And don't be surprised if I shake uncontrollably when it's cold. I don't tolerate cold, either. My internal thermostat is broken, and nobody knows how to fix it.


7. My depression - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian's patients suffered from FMS as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge.


8. My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I'm not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely.


9. My weight - I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My appestat is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix it.


10. My need for therapy - If I get a massage every week, don't envy me. My massage is not your massage. Consider how a massage would feel if that charley horse you had in your leg last week was all over your body. Massaging it out was very painful, but it had to be done. My body is knot-filled. If I can stand the pain, regular massage can help, at least temporarily.


11. My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don't assume I am well. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days or weeks or even months. In fact, the good days are what keep me going.


12. My uniqueness - Even those who suffer from FMS are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above and below the waist and on both sides of my body which has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines or hip pain or shoulder pain or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else.


I hope that this helps you understand me, but if you still doubt my pain, your local bookstore, library and the internet have many good books and articles on fibromyalgia.


Author's note: This letter is based on communications with people throughout the world, males and females, who suffer from fibromyalgia. It does not represent any one of the over 10,000,000 people with FMS, but it can help the healthy person understand how devastating this illness can be. Please do not take these people and their pain lightly. You wouldn't want to spend even a day in their shoes...or their bodies.

5 LIFE LESSONS I LEARNED FROM FIBROMYALGIA

1. When you are diagnosed with a chronic medical condition, don't fight it. You don't have to like it, but life is so much easier when you accept it.
2. Educating people on your condition can be frustrating. This has almost taught me to be patient with others.
3. Before we were diagnosed with our “chronic condition”, the life we lived in became a blur. We rushed from here to there, and back again; worked endlessly at our career for more money and to give us a feeling of self worth; were to busy to listen (really listen) to our loved ones. (I am saying this based on my life – yours may be different). And now, for me:

• I literally stop to smell the flowers, or to notice the red berries on the bare branches.
• When I look out the window and see a Cardinal, I run for the binoculars to get a better look, and feel a great joy within my soul for having seen this beautiful creature.
• When I am in a moderately bad flare, and spend a lot of time in bed, my family knows they are more than welcome to come and sit with me – on the bed – even the kids friends. I may be barely able to smile, or contribute to the conversation, but I listen to them, really listen, and it is a great feeling for all of us. Even if we just sit in silence.
• I try to be nicer to my husband and appreciate all that he does, his help and understanding (finally), his carting the kids, even though he is tired from work; but I go back to the days when first met, and remember why I fell in love with him, and I am falling in love all over again.
• I try to be mindful every day, every moment (doesn’t always happen!! :) ) More on being mindful another time. But a good example my counselor gave me was, when I was working, he said when your phone rings, before you answer it, “stop”, “take a breath”, “answer phone” - you have then put yourself “in the moment, and mindful of answering the phone.

4.  I have learned to accept (not always) that I can't do all the things I used to be able to do. I used to be a “Type A” personality; very organized, logistically inclined on getting things done in the most efficient way, keeping track of just about everything at work and at home. (P.S. I have ADHD). After work, and after taking care of the family and kids were settled, my time was spent on my latest interest – usually till 11:00 / 12:00 at night. Since I've had Fibromyalgia, I am no longer that person. And it is “OK”. I am still the same caring person, who would like to be able to do all of the above, but I have learned to limit myself, and use my energy accordingly by focusing on the most important things. Most of the time, I can accept this; sometimes I cannot accept it – and that's “OK” to. All part of being mindful.

Anticipation

Well, one week until Thalnksgiving! Since I've had Fibromyalgia for two years, my house slowly started looking crappy...now I am slowly starting to clean things in the nooks and crannys, and get this house looking like a home again. Of course it hasn't helped that our oldest and her son moved in, then a few years later #2 moved in with her daughter....then the oldest and son moved out, and bedrooms got rearranged...LOL...YES! this is my life....5 Kids, two Grandkids and a wonderful husband who works his tail off and I am Thankful and Blessed and Love it all.



But, back to Thanksgiving! It is one of my favorite holidays (Christmas is #1) because it is a time for family and friends to gather and give thanks for all that they have. This year, my brother Rob and his family (Wife Joann) and their four children are coming to stay for a few days and my in-laws, who we haven't seen in several years are coming from California ( they'll be staying at a hotel). So #2, and myself have been working on putting the house back together and nudging the teens to do their part. It is coming together and the house is looking pretty good again....and that means the house will be ready for Christmas AND I'll get to focus on my crafts and vintage repurposing and bringing pictures to this site!

P.S. I have been searching for blogs of lovely vintage "stuff" and fibromyalgia, I'm following 23, but they don't appear on my page. I am working on getting them to show because I want to share all of the good stuff I find.

Slowly but surely I am updating my blog. That's the most important thing....slowly....my speed....and little by little it gets done. I just have to remember that the first "little" things I do don't show the big picture! Like cleaning the house for Thanksgiving; It took five days of "little" things to finally begin to show progress in that direction. One of the "blessings" of having Fibromyalgia, it has taught me that it's "ok" not to do it "All" - "At Once"; the most important thing is to have faith that it will be accomplished. So today, I added to my Blog a list of Blogs I am following. Please visit these Blogs. They inspire me and make me feel good. I am sure you will enjoy them too!

Back to Blogging!

It's been a while since I've been onthis blog because I've been on the “Fibromyalgia Journey”--Andwhat a strange and (wonderful?) journey it has been. I won't boreyou with all the details; suffice it enough to say it has altered mylife and my families life in ways I never thought imaginable. Forthose that know me, they know I don't back down on too much of anything too often, and that I like to live a varied and busy life,and this Fibromyalgia was not going to change that! Ahahaahha....but it did.

I had to quit almost everything I loveto do. What remains in my life are the most important things – myfamily and teaching Sunday School. If there is energy after that itis spent on crafting and repurposing vintage finds and castaways. Iam going to fit this blog in somehow because I love to write, and I'dlike to share my journey with others.

For those that love to repurpose or have a passion for vintage things and a time gone by, I hope youenjoy checking out the before and after pictures of my repurposing;for those of you who have fibromyalgia or know someone who does, Ihope you find understanding and comfort; and for anyone else, I hopeyou find my spiritual journey and my new way of living mindfullyrewarding and helpful in your life too.

Restarting this blog has been on mymind for over a year. One step at a time! And here we go into thewonderful word of Everything Vintage!